Don’t Hand Them the Rope
For 31 years I was pastor of First Baptist Church of Lincoln Gardens in Somerset, New Jersey. I served as Secretary of State of New Jersey, a constitutional officer. I was the first chairman of the United States Election Assistance Commission. I have served on nine corporate boards, including public companies. Every one of those seats put me in front of more people than I ever would have stood before without it.
Every one of them also put a target on my back.
I say that plainly. Each position came with its own responsibilities, its own rules and its own expectations. Each one carried influence. And each one was something somebody else wanted. When you hold what another person wants, some folks will admire you. Some will pray for you. Some will wait for you to fall. A few will not wait. They are looking for a rope to hang you with.
I learned early that a title costs something. It costs you some of your personal freedom. The pastor of a large church does not get to have a bad night in public. The Secretary of State does not get to say everything he thinks. A corporate director does not get to talk loosely about what he heard in the boardroom. My behavior had to satisfy the law, and it had to satisfy the people watching. Those are two different standards. I was held to both.
I also knew I would be judged by a different measure than other people. Things forgiven in someone else would be remembered in me. And I knew that as a Black man, every one of those truths was amplified. The old folks in our churches understood this without needing it explained. You had to be twice as good to be judged half as fair. I did not make that rule. I did not like that rule. But I would have been a fool to pretend it was not there.
I have been able to remain free of public scandal. I say that with gratitude and humility, because it was never about being perfect. I am not perfect. It was about decisions I made early and kept. I will set them down here. Partly this is my story. Partly it is counsel for anyone who is climbing, or who has already arrived.
I surrounded myself with wise counselors who told me the truth about myself. Every leader has people who will tell her the truth about her enemies. That is easy. What she needs are a few people who will tell her the truth about herself, and who are not impressed by her title. Proverbs says in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. I found that to be true. The people who loved me enough to disagree with me saved me more than once.
I kept my private life separate from my public life. I did not socialize or fraternize with my professional colleagues. I did not socialize with my church members. Some people found that distant. I understood it as protection, for them and for me. A pastor who is everybody’s buddy will one day have to discipline a buddy. A director who drinks with management will one day have to vote on management’s pay. Friendship and oversight do not sit well at the same table.
I did not write anything I would be ashamed to see published. Letters, emails, text messages. If it would embarrass me on the front page of the newspaper, I did not send it. I assumed every word I wrote would one day be read by the person I least wanted to read it. That assumption has never once been wrong enough to regret.
I never confused my identity with my title. The title was an assignment. I was somebody before I held it and I would be somebody after I gave it back. Leaders who forget that tend to fight like their lives depend on the chair, because in their minds they do.
I did not treat my position as my personal property. The church belonged to God and to the congregation. The office belonged to the people of New Jersey. The board seat belonged to the shareholders. I was a steward. When a leader starts believing he owns the chair, he starts using it for himself. That is how decent people turn into scoundrels.
I tried to treat the people who worked for me as equal members of a team. Titles organize work. They do not rank human worth. And there is a practical side. The people under you see the most. When they have been treated with contempt, they become the most believable witnesses against you.
I did not receive gossip, and I did not spread it. When someone brought me a story about somebody else, I understood they would one day carry a story about me. And I did not treat hearsay as fact. A report is a report. It is not the truth until it has been tested. Leaders who act on rumor end up wounding innocent people and trusting guilty ones.
Every leader has enemies. Every successful person does. You cannot vote them out and you cannot preach them away. What you can do is refuse to help them. Do not hand them the rope. Do not write the headline for them. Do not give them the one thing they are waiting for.
I am grateful for every seat I was given. I am more grateful that I got up from each of them with my name intact.
Wisdom written from experience!
This was so good! Thank you Dr. Soaries!
Amen, thanks for the example.